


beautiful scars on critical veins

by thegoodyouth



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dissociation, F/M, Flashbacks, M/M, PTSD, Past Abuse, sam is super important thanks bye, this is basically a sam centric fic about sam's years at stanford, trans boy!sam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-09 00:36:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7780057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegoodyouth/pseuds/thegoodyouth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam left behind a lot when he walked away, but it still refuses to leave him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	beautiful scars on critical veins

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Kids In The Dark by All Time Low.
> 
> BIRTHDAY FIC for Tova! <3 I love you so so much, and you deserve the world at your feet, my dear xxx

“I guess you could say I don’t really get along with my family,” Sam lightly shrugged his shoulders. It was starting to feel like an impulse; the only thing he could say about Dean and his father without completely coming apart inside.

He still felt them like a phantom limb, and the memory of John’s indignant face would most likely never leave him.

At nineteen, Sam had learnt a lot he already wanted to forget.

Quickly averting his eyes, he set down his suitcase, taking in the bedroom that would be his for the rest of the year. “Stanford,” he muttered to himself, trying to feel the weight of that achievement on his tongue.

It felt too light without Dean’s eager smile staring up at him as always.

After walking out on the remaining pieces of his family - the very same pieces that were doing their best to suffocate him under the constant abuse doled out by John - Sam had immediately regretted it, even though it was exactly what he wanted. He knew he would never see them again, and it left a sour taste in his mouth.

“It hurts to become*,” he had whispered to himself, as soon as the plane took off for his new home, but it hadn’t help to soothe the pain that was already breaking his heart. It also didn’t block out the sound of silence in his father’s heart.

“Sam? You okay?” came the voice of his new roommate, Mark.

“Oh, sorry, just kind of zoned out there for a second,” he chuckled weakly, before blinking twice, trying to clear the fog that had temporarily clouded his brain. It was happening more and more often lately, but he refused to acknowledge it; that would mean thinking about the past nineteen years of his life.

Mark happily accepted that explanation without any arguments, and it helped calm Sam down a little. “I’m from Florida, so I am so very far from home,” he grinned, as Sam tried to think of an honest answer in case he was expected to reciprocate the information, but Mark had already turned around to begin unpacking his things.

Sam smiled for the first time that day, as he felt hope spring up in his heart at the possibility of leaving everything behind and starting a new life without the instability that had plagued him since he was six months old.

 

*from Andrea Gibson's _I Sing The Body Electric_


End file.
